“There be nothing fun in this room, but a dead demon, dead dudes, and-” Kildo began to say when he was interrupted.
“And one secret door,” Guo Gan said as he pushed against a wall in the southeast corner. Stone grounded on stone as a previously hidden exit opened.
Gathering around, it extended and curved 50’ before a bright azure mist began to seep from the ground. It churned and formed into a humanoid-like figure. It wasn’t solid, but more ghost-like. It darted around the corner but looked back for a moment like it wanted the party to follow it.
“Get her!” Guo Gan shouted as Scomatch followed. Kai and Kildo looked at each other and not wanting to split the party gave chase.
The cavern led to a dead-end, but embedded on the floor was a curved hatch with a wheel on top, which could be turned. While a little tight, Guo Gan was able to move the mechanism. It squealed open and revealed a spiral metal staircase extending into the darkness. A blast of very humid air greeted them. Rust was seen on the stairway indicating it was there for quite some time. Cautiously traveling down, it circled 100’ before ending. However, the floor was covered with a foot of murky, algae-filled, standing water. The brackish, warm water and humid air made it foul to the taste, which coated the backs of their throats. Algae also clung to the walls and ceiling, but if minding their step, it wasn’t too slippery.
“Char!” Charmander and Scomatch’s familiar sounded. It was at the last of the steps before touching the water. The creature, no more than a foot tall would instantly be submerged in the muck.
“Oh, come on!” Scomatch sounded and patted his shoulder as his fire-based familiar jumped on.
The corridor continued east for 60’ before turning north. The party kicked up water and sent waves rolling as they pushed through. Rounding the bend, in the distance they saw a large creature with the body of a female lion, but a feminine humanoid face, it was a sphinx. She rested on a large mound of dirt, so her body didn’t touch the water.
“Oh good, adventurers,” the sphinx said in a passing interest in a cross between a sarcastic and bored tone.
“You don’t seem surprised to see us,” Kai said carefully approaching.
Slightly rising, the sphinx said, “Answer this riddle or you will never enter.” Clearing her throat she continued, as almost in a trance.
“Round she is, yet flat as a board. Altar of the Lupine Lords. Jewel on black velvet, pearl in the sea. Unchanged buy e’erchanging, eternally.”
“The moon?” Kai answered.
“Congratulations, you have passed the test. Please continue moving as you explore the fun house. If you doddle you will be moved along. Please choose, left, right, or forwards,” the sphinx replied with a dead-pan tone in her voice.
“I say we move forward,” Guo Gan said.
The party followed the monk north. The corridor led 60’, but halfway down there was a 10’ alcove to the east with a deep pool of water, but while it had algae in it, it seemed fresh. Kai entered and swam down.
Emerging a minute later, Kai said, “The water pit is 15’ deep. At the bottom were a wheel and a small, closed valve. It’s just as likely that it’ll drain the water or increase it.”
“I say we leave it alone. We don’t necessarily need the water level to either rise or fall at the moment,” Guo Gan said.
Nodding in agreement they continued north. Kai led the party into a 60’ by 60’ room filled with the same brackish water. Walking about 10’ in, Kai instantly disappeared. The party rushed to the edge splashing as they ran.
His head emerging a moment later, Kai said, “Well, there’s a drop-off.”
Bubbling, from beneath the waves, emerged twenty feet away. There was something in the water.
Being in his element, Kai went under, as two creatures emerged. They were both humanoid and attractive women, but their form was not that of skin, but a mass of deep green seaweed. They were kelpies and moving towards Kai with malicious intent.
A fire bolt flew and splashed next to the first kelpie, but the surrounding water dampened its effect.
The second clump of seaweed swam into the range of Kai’s glaive, while distorted, the blade was seen slashing the kelpie. The mound then slammed into the triton.
Guo Gan realizing Kai needed help under the waves, pulled out his cloak of the mantra ray and began to don the garment, which would allow him to move freely in the water and more importantly breathe it too.
Kai continued to battle the second kelpie, as his glaive slashed the mound twice as pieces were cut off. The last strike lit up under the water as smite, radiant damage blasted into the seaweed.
Splashing to the water’s edge, Kildo looked into the murky depths. Knowing he could breathe under the waves, it was still counterintuitive to his very nature as a land dweller. He also doubted how effective his hammer would be against the flat seaweed. Instead, he cast, Toll the Dead. The dolorous bells caused ripples underneath, but the distortion caused him to miss.
Another fire bolt smashed through the surface but lessened as the heat did little damage to the water-bound creature.
The first kelpie darted through the water and tried to batter into Guo Gan, but with the cloak of the manta ray, the monk dodged out of the way in a flash. The elf punched with his fists and while deadly on dry land, proved less effective against the moving seaweed. Changing tactics, he pulled out his spear and while thrusting through the plant-like creature, it seemed to cause little damage.
Surrounded by the second kelpie, Kai was helpless as it slammed its mass into the triton with snake-like speed. The paladin’s glaive glowed with divinity, as he slashed. The blade’s radiant damage cut completely through the kelpie. Its seaweed form lost its coherent structure and drifted away.
Another fire bolt from Scomatch smashed into the water but had little effect on the last underwater creature. Like a shark, the kelpie charged and rammed into the back of Kai.
Guo Gan thrust with his spear. It tore a portion of seaweed off the female-like creature.
Alerted to the attack, Kai spun under the waves. His heavy glaive slashed through the midsection of the creature. Both halves dissipated in the water. Ensuring there were no other kelpies, the two searched the bottom of the room. Bones and material drifted at being disturbed but also revealed loose gold coins and a piece of jewelry, as well as a suit of chain mail armor, which surprisingly didn’t have an ounce of rust anywhere.
Climbing out at the far end, a set of stairs led out of the water into a corridor that extended 30’ north. A door was at the end made of thick metal and tightly sealed. However, at the top of the steps, was a normal door leading east. Guo Gan opened the eastern door, which extended to a 70’ long corridor. However, about half of it was a cylinder tunnel that was spinning fast in a dizzying black and white pattern. It thumped with a daunting, heavy unnatural rhythm. Upon closer examination, the entire length was coated with a glistening, oily substance.
“I think I can make it through by leaping,” Guo Gan commented as he tightened his boots of striding and springing. “If I can get enough room, as he backed as far as he could.”
“Here let me tie this around you,” Kai said as he used the hemp rope around the monk. “Just in case we need to pull you back.”
Nodding in appreciation, Guo Gan breathed in deeply. Bent low and sprinted forward. At the last moment, he flung himself forward and with his magical boots, it ‘whooshed’ him down the long tunnel to the far side. Rising up the monk called back down. “There’s a northern door here! Oh, shi-”
A snarling, massively furred creature leapt out of the door. Leading with long, black claws, it was like a wolf, but much larger and ferocious with a female appearance, a werewolf. The berserk creature snarled, slashed, and jaws bit at the monk. He incredibly dodged the blows, seemingly at the last instant.
“Take this!” Kai shouted to Kildo handing off the hemp rope, as the paladin ran for the tunnel. The triton made it in about 5’ before he lost his balance and fell. Trying to get up, he made it another 5’ before falling again in the spinning tunnel.
“Charmander, go!” Scomatch ordered his familiar. The creature of flame bounced towards the spinning tunnel. It immediately fell, spun, and bounce around the metal cylinder that was dripping an oil-like substance. The entire length then burst into flames. Kai was caught right in the middle. The triton was on fire. Scomatch cringed and winced at the triton’s screams of pain.
“The nine hells Scomatch! We ain’t be serving up fish ‘n chips!” Kildo lambasted the mage as he cast, Toll the Dead. Dolorous bells rang around the female werewolf but doubted the spell had much impact as it was likely drowned out by the spinning tunnel, its’ own snarling, and the anguished cries from Kai. The cleric also summoned a spectral warhammer. It bashed at the werewolf, but missed, as it was hard to discern his enemy through the tunnel of flames and being on top of Guo Gan.
Scrambling through the burning cylinder, Kai summoned a wall of water. The magical liquid sprang down its length and fought against the ignited oil. The triton immediately fell to the ground in the black and white spinning tunnel.
On the far side, Guo Gan landed two punches on the enraged werewolf, all the while dodging her deadly claws and bites. A bolt then ricocheted next to his head as a male fighter emerged from the northern door. Dropping the spent crossbow, he drew a longsword.
“I’ll make this right!” Scomatch called out, as he cast, Fly. The halfling sped through the flaming tunnel, as the fire licked at his bare, hairy feet. “Hot! Hot! Hot!”
Guo Gan continued to dodge and weave, as the werewolf and fighter tore, bit, and slashed at the monk. The elf remained unscathed, but shouted, “Do something! I can’t keep doing this forever!”
Kildo’s spectral warhammer smashed into the back of the werewolf, as dolorous bells rang around the she-wolf’s head.
Steam and angry hissing came from within the tunnel of flames, as Kai’s wall of water spell finally doused them. Changing tactics, the paladin began to crawl through the spinning cylinder towards the battle.
Dodging and weaving, Guo Gan struck back at the female werewolf, but none of his punches and kicks landed with any power. If anything it made her mad, so she swept her muscular arm and threw the monk into the corner at the end of the corridor. Trapped, she took quick advantage as her jaws clamped down on Guo Gan’s shoulders. The elf cried out in immense pain.
A sudden loud and painfully intense ringing sound erupted between the werewolf and the fighter, as Scomatch cast, Shatter. While impacting both, the veteran seemed more affected as he shook his head and stuck his finger in his ear to clear the noise. He then noticed Kai crawling in the spinning tunnel. Striking twice, he hit the prone triton. While Kai’s armor helped absorb the blows, they’d also leave bruises underneath.
Heaving his body forward, Kai cleared the tunnel. A wave of yellow healing energy swept down the paladin as he healed himself.
Already partially deft from Scomatch’s shatter spell, Kildo’s toll the dead dolorous bells did not affect the fighter. Only slightly more effective was his spiritual warhammer. It clipped the werewolf’s sensitive right ear, which had her teeth in the monk. It strike was strong enough as she yelped and let go.
Trapped in a corner, Gou Gan realized he only had a moment before the werewolf recovered. In blinding speed, the monk struck her chest, rapidly striking around her heart four times. He then struck in the center and twisted. The she-wolf’s heart stopped.
“No one puts Guo Gan in a corner.”
Wounded and staring at the elven monk, the werewolf backed up five steps before her body collapsed, like a marionette puppeteer letting go of invisible strings. A moment later, the hair on her body retracted, and transformed into a burly, nude woman.
The fighter stood frozen at the sight. However, he was knocked back to reality as a small bubble of acid sprayed across his front. Snarling in rage, he lashed out with his longsword at the nearest opponent, Kai. The blade struck the paladin once, but he was able to parry the second attack.
Kildo turned his spectral blue warhammer to the fighter. The magical weapon struck him in the chest, but his scale mail armor absorbed most of the blow.
Still trying to find his feet, Kai swung with his glaive, but while hitting none of the blows had their normal strength. Guo Gan also joined the paladin’s attack getting in one decent spear thrust. A chromatic orb burst over the fighter. A blinding bolt of lightning struck the fighter’s metal helm. The bolt traveled straight through and he was already dead as the electricity exploded out of his boots. The veteran fighter was blown backward into the northern room.
Kai checked on Guo Gan’s bite on his left shoulder, but the monk waved him off that he was fine.
“Oi! Ye be wanting to turn off the spin cycle!” Kildo called out as Kai’s wall of water rushed around the metal cylinder. Nodding, Kai dismissed the spell. However, while the water was gone, the tunnel still spun. Snorting in annoyance, the dwarf went to his hands and knees as he and Scomatch unceremoniously crawled through. The mage then commented, “You know, this wouldn’t be a bad way to wash clothes.”
“Only a halfling be thinking on how to get pie stains out of clothes in the middle of a monster fun house,” Kildo replied as the two emerged on the far side. The former werewolf, now a nude woman on the floor, didn’t leave anything to the imagination in regards to any useful magic items. The fighter didn’t either, other than some charred armor and a dropped longsword and crossbow. Examining the room the werewolf and veteran came from, it was an unremarkable 20’ by 20’ room. It held a couple of benches and a table. The only other useful item was a closed door on the north wall.
“I think this place might be as good as any to rest up a bit,” Kai said as he leaned his glaive against the wall.
“Elf, let me be looking at that bite,” Kildo said moving toward the monk.
“I’m fine. It doesn’t hurt much,” Guo Gan replied waving off the cleric. “Besides it isn’t bleeding any longer.”
“I don’t be caring if it not be bleeding. I be caring about ye turning into some flea-bitten mutt and taking a bite out of me leg,” Kildo answered as he guided the elf and gently, but forcefully had him sit on a bench. Holding his holy symbol of Rigga the Earthmother, he cast, Remove Curse. Blue healing energy surrounded the dwarves hand and the elf’s shoulder.
The northern door in the room began to slowly open. Two armed and armored humanoid creatures limped in, but they were unusual and twisted reflections of the forms they had in life. They seemed to exist in a state between being alive and being dead. Their eyes glowed like white-hot embers, while mummified flesh-covered their twisted skeleton with hands ending in deadly claws. Their teeth were sharp and jagged like needles and their faces twisted into expressions of revulsion and hatred. These were wrights.
Kai reached for his glaive, as Guo Gan rose from the bench and went into a fighting stance. A mote of fire formed in Scomatch’s hands.
Kildo instantly threw up his holy symbol. Pure white light emanated from the ankh and blasted into the undead creatures. However, the wrights didn’t move. A woven necklace around them glowed briefly, but nothing else happened. The two undead smirked at each other as one said in a hollow voice, “Fun House security. No sleeping here. Get moving!”
“What do you think?” Guo Gan whispered out of the corner of his mouth to Kai. The paladin studied the two wrights for a moment. It seemed he was about to attack.
“Lad, I not be liking undead as much as the next live fellow, but these two not be looking fer a scrape. Let’s be moving to someplace else. We can be resting there and if they be coming back, we can have aggressive negotiations then,” Kildo stated coming next to Kai.
Twisting his hands around his glaive a couple of times, Kai seemed to ease up and motioned the party out of the room. They all went to their hands and knees and undignified, crawled back through the spinning tunnel. Exiting the corridor, to the south was the kelpie room and to the north was the tightly sealed metal door. Examining it, there weren’t any latches or handles. However, Guo Gan gave it a strong push. Metal squealed against metal as it swung open. Ten feet ahead was another, similar door. On the back side of the first was a handle, so it would only swing inward. Opening the second sealed access there was another 10’ room with another metal exit at the end. Kai kept open the first door, Kildo held the second, and Guo Gan opened the third.
It exited to a long, air-filled hallway that magically held back an ocean. Carefully stepping into the room, the tides were restrained by a thin membrane-like substance. While not completely translucent, the water within bubbled greatly.
Kai took a finger and pressed on the membrane. It gave a little, before bouncing back.
“Lad, best not be messing with it. That liquid beyond be either boiling water or acid. Neither would be pleasant to bathe in,” Kildo commented.
“The dwarf is right. This is not the place to rest,” Guo Gan added.
“Right, let’s move back a bit. I don’t know if those guards will come back, but if they do we’ll take them out,” Kai instructed. The group pulled back into the corridor with the three metal doors.
As the party began to settle down and as the last butt hit the floor, the two wrights emerged from the spinning tunnel corridor. “Hey! Didn’t we tell you kids to move along?”
“Take them out,” Kai ordered.
Guo Gan stabbed with his spear striking the first wright. The two undead were then engulfed as Scomatch landed a fireball behind them. The furthest was reduced to cinders, as the first was burned to a crisp. However, being dead had its advantages, as it didn’t seem to feel pain, as it slashed at Kai with his longsword scoring two hits against the paladin. His breastplate helped protect the triton from a mortal wound.
Retaliating, Kai brought his glaive down and cut two deep gashes along the remaining wright’s chest. The last blow cut the creature into two pieces. Its’ body crumpled. Yanking his glaive free, Kai said, “Right, we’ll head back to the werewolves’ bedroom and rest there. If the wrights come back again, we’ll have to leave the ‘Fun House’ to rest.”
Nodding in agreement, they made it back through the spinning tunnel into the northern bedroom. The room was nicely furnished. Fine rugs covered the floor, and erotic tapestries hung around the room where a textile worker went to great lengths to get all the naughty bits just right. Even the ceiling was painted with a summer sky, dotted with fluffy clouds. A large double bed was covered with comfortable cushions and pillows. Next to it was an end table filled with sweet-meats and numerous comestibles. If the furniture could talk, it’d likely complain about the weight of the amount of food. A large, wooden chest was also in the room and appeared unlocked.
“Detect magic Scomatch,” Kai instructed as he examined the tray of food.
“Don’t be eating that poison food,” Kildo stated.
“Nobody move or touch anything. The chest has a glyph trap on it,” Guo Gan said carefully checking around the container.
“Whoa!” Scomatch called out as he lowered his goggles. “This entire room is magical.”
“Back out! Back out! We’ll rest in the southern room with the benches and tables,” Kai instructed. “Kildo I said get out!”
“Be holding on there. I want to be getting rid of that glyph,” Kildo stated as he cast, Dispel Magic. The magical trap flashed and then the spell’s embers fell to the ground.
“It’s not the greatest, but at least we know nothing in this plain room is magical,” Scomatch commented as he hopped on the table and the party began to settle down.
“Didn’t we tell you already you can’t sleep in the Fun House!” two undead wright guards entered from the southern part of the room.
“Ugh!” bemoaned the group in unison.
“May we pass?” Kai said as he approached the security guards. The two wrights parted to let the party through. “We’ll make our way out and go up those metal stairs and rest at the top.”
The party traipsed back through the way they entered and swam back across the kelpie lake. There were more than a few angry splashes, as they approached the sphinx sitting on her mound of dirt. She watched as they passed and in a monotone voice said, “Thank you for visiting Keraptis’ Fun House. Please come again.”
Kelpie Kiddie Pool:
• 600 gp
• 1 piece of jewelry 2,000 gp
• Chainmail +1
Party Split:
• 2,600 gp / 4 = 650 gp
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