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Chapter 62 - The Return of the Scones


“My, aren’t you the juicy one?” spoke the mind flayer to Scomatch. The illithid’s head was the color of sickening mauve and had a rubbery texture. Excretion of a thin film of slimy, glistening mucus keeping it moist, gave off a calming scent of vanilla. However, the most distinguishing feature was its elongated face, reminiscent of an octopus, with a cluster of four flexible, unsegmented, extendable, purplish-black tentacles surrounding its mouth. Its eyes, sheltered by brow ridges, were uniformly pale and devoid of pupils, similar to those of a blind cavefish. Its’ hands were long, slender, and lacked an index finger, and its nails were thick and black. It was dressed in flowing, dramatic purple robes with a high, flaring collar and a cloak and wore distinctively two-lobed boots. The creature had just drifted down from its ship, a nautiloid. It looked like an enormous conch shell with an exterior deck and rubbery tentacles protruding from the forward section.

Guo Gan cleared his throat.

Creepingly turning its squid-like bulbous head toward the monk, the mind flayer said. “May I help you?”

“We spoke with one of your crewmembers that was gathering supplies. We purchased a spare crewman you had in your employment. We understand three other crewmen have recently come aboard your vessel,” Guo Gan explained.

“Do you know who you spoke with?”

“They didn’t identify themselves by name.”

The mind flayer moved past Guo Gan and approached Scomatch. Its tentacles were erect as if in excitement. “If you concentrate on the person you interacted with, I will take it from your…brain.”

“What the F-” Scomatch called out, backing up.

Interrupting, Guo Gan moved between the mind flayer and the halfling mage. “I was the one who interacted with your companion. The three volunteers were a dwarf called Red Fred, a human named Chutney Vic, and a tiefling, Odium. They look-”

“Shhh,” A tentacle slithered came up to its mouth. “Concentrate on their likenesses.” The mind flayer’s pupilless eyes stared hard into Guo Gan’s. “Very well. The dwarf and human can easily be arranged. Purchasing their contract will be 300 gold pieces each. However, the tiefling will be much more expensive at 3,000 gold pieces because of his specialized services.”

“Done,” Guo Gan said, and between Kai and himself, he handed over a large bag that made a pleasing coin-crunching sound.

“The dwarf and human are on their way. The tiefling is in the middle of cooking preparations. The rest of the non-command staff crew have been very pleased with his baking prowess,” the mind flayer explained.

“Thank you,” Kai said. “How did they come into your service?”

“Our ship had a layover on the Rock of Series. There was a slave block there. We often stop there to pick up…’volunteers’.”

“Is there any way to know who the seller was?” Kai questioned.

“A Captain Vanifer.”

Growling under his breath, Kai asked, “How long ago was that?”

“Several weeks.”

“Did you happen to see any others,” Kai inquired.

“If you would concentrate on their likenesses.” The mind flayer stared hard into Kai’s eyes. After a moment, it said, “They don’t seem familiar to me. Now, a question for you. How long have you been here?”

“Only recently,” Kai said.

“Good.”

“Why is that good?”

“Then the probably of you being the murderers is negligible.”

“What, what, what?”

“There is a serial killer about. Did no one tell you? That is why we are leaving after dark to reduce the probability of becoming the latest victims.”

“Do they have any leads?” Kai asked.

“Someone was hung for the crimes, but then someone else was killed the following night in the lower districts.”

“How many victims have there been?” Kai inquired.

“A victim every few nights for the past few months.”

“Is there any correlation between them?”

“The races and gender vary.”

“Is the manner of their killing consistent?” Kai asked.

“Yes, their heads were smashed and a lantern was inserted into their neck hole,” the mind flayer said and sighed. “Sadly, their brains were smashed too—such a waste.

“Who did they execute for the crime? What was their name?” Guo Gan asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t typically like to learn the name of food?”

“Food?”

“Do you know the names of the animals you consume?”

“Point taken.”

“In any event, it was not a particularly important cow…person. A merchant. He had some eccentricities. He was found with the body of one of the victims and covered in blood. The brain already smashed,” the mind flayer explained. “You could ask at the asylum if you are interested in him. That’s where they kept him before the execution.”

Guo Gan then asked the mind flayer, “Do you have a name?”

“Yes, thank you so much for asking. No one ever asks my name. It’s-”

The mind flayer was interrupted as the dwarf, Red Fred, and human Chutney Vic, came out of the ship escorted by a pair of illithids.

Guo Gan pushed past the mind flayer with the rest of the party and hustled their crew members back toward the dock area. Most of the buildings were dedicated to the support of the arriving ships, but there was one eatery. Above a small building, a sign read, ‘Space Fish and Chips’. There was a large seating area outside. Two empty benches painfully separated two groups of people. One group appeared to be tough and seasoned fighters. The other side seemed to be monks with tight-fitting robes drinking tea.

Both groups were well aware of the party’s approach. Guo Gan guided the group toward the empty table closer to the monks.

“Hello,” Guo Gan began and introduced the party to the group leader.

“We don’t associate with people who consort with mind flayers.”

“Ye not be worrying about that lad. We be purchasing some of our crew that be enslaved by those calamari,” Kildo spat.

Nodding in understanding and warming up with a smile said, “It would be nice if the universe got rid of them. Like if they were somehow poisoned by blueberries purchased from a tavern.”

“That be oddly specific, like ye be doing that thing already,” Kildo said.

Shrugging his shoulders, the monk said, “I’m called Ago. We are the Gith-Zerai. What bring you to the Rock of Bral.”

“We be looking fer the rest of our crew. Ye be knowing where Captain Vanifer be located?” Kildo asked.

“No, we don’t associate with slavers either,” Ago said.

“There is a tale that a serial killer is on the loose,” Guo Gan said.

“Don’t worry about that. The City Council said everything was fine. They hung a guy and everything,” Ago explained.

Turning over his shoulder, Kildo saw the other group of fighters staring at them hard. “Who be they?”

“They are the Gith-Yanki. Religious zealots. The type that shoves lanterns down someone’s throat,” Ago explained.

“What about your group? The Gith-Zerai?” Guo Gan asked.

“We are masters of our own domain. We have learned to become at peace with our minds and bodies. Now, if there isn’t anything else, I’ve had enough of these mind flayers and those Gith Yanki types.” Ago, and then almost in unison, the rest of their group rose and left the Space Fish and Chip, chippery.

“By Belial’s blessing!” Odium exclaimed as he emerged from the nautiloid. The tiefling retained his ancestors' physical characteristics, complete with curved horns, a non-prehensile tail, pointed teeth, and cloven feet. His skin color extended past normal human color into a reddish hue with hair a dark blue. His eyes were solid orbs of black. He had fiend blood in his veins, likely a devil as sulfurous odor preceded him.

Odium turned back to a pair of mind flayers who were waving goodbye. One even seemed to wipe a tear away with a tentacle. “Kang and Kodos! Remember, watch the temperature, keep Belial in your heart, and the scones will always come out perfectly!”

Guo Gan greeted Odium warmly and gave the tiefling a huge hug. The two then approached the rest of the crew.

Odium told Kai, “Captain, I knew Belial would deliver me back into your good graces.”

“That might be true. But I’m your cabin director. Kildo is your captain now,” Kai said.

“Congratulations, Captain Kildo. I prayed to Belial that he’d pass good fortune to you.”

“Shut it Odium! On me ship, there be only two places for ye. The kitchen and your bedroom.”

“We are so glad to have you back,” Guo Gan said excitedly.

“Yes, they were very reluctant to let me go.”

Kai nodded and said, “We rescued CragEar, and he told us about Red Fred, Chutney Vic, and yourself were on the mind flayer’s nautiloid. CragEar kept indicating you all were ‘very happy’ to serve on the ship, so they were heavily under the illithids influence. Did you see any of them impregnated with any of their spawn?”

Turning his eyes up in thought, Odium said, “It’s entirely possible. A greater restoration will take care of any mind control issues. You might want to check and keep an eye on them and watch for any excessive itching around their face, flaking of skin, and teeth falling out randomly. However, if an illithid larvae infected them, a good cure disease spell should get rid of that.”

Scoffing, Kildo said, "I knew that."


* * *


After taking the crew back to the ship, Kildo casted a Hero’s Feast for the returning crewmembers. Calling the crew to dinner, they were greeted by the savory smell of cooked food. Kildo stood with pride behind a long, makeshift table swelling with platters of food.

Kildo started at one end of the tabletop, walking and pointing as he talked. “For Scomatch, the first serving be a variety of cheeses. They be first cuts of meat. Beef, chicken, and lots of bacon be present. There be also an unlimited portion of coffee, tea, biscuits, and jams, along with cakes. Bread, vegetables, and buttery, starchy potatoes also make up another bulk. I be undecided whether halflings preferred spicy or sweet, sour or salty, bitter or briny, so all be present. To drink, beer, ale, wine, and port, with whiskey for an after-meal quencher.”

“For Kai, something much simpler. Fish, plankton, sea greens, and protein from the sea. It's all here, ready. Fresh as harvest day.”

Kildo then moved to the middle section of the table. “I figured orc philosophy around food would be simple. Kill it, grill it, and eat it. So, I be having different kinds of meat, well-cooked, smoky, more bacon, and even raw fish wrapped in rice. However, I be warning the others to ask before sampling, as long-pig and humanoid meat not be ‘off the table’.”

CragEar advanced and took in the meaty scents.

Kildo moved to the end of the table and motioned to Guo Gan. The last section held eloquently detailed bowls made of marble, gold, and silver and set like a stage for a visual feast of fruits, and vegetables cooked in delicate sauces, served with bread, rothe cheeses, and tender meat. “Also, I be adding wild game for our woodland and halfling kin, including venison, squirrel, rabbit, and an assortment of nuts and berries. A light, spice wine to drink.”

“Of course, I be saving the best for last. The dwarven meal. Not to be modest, but of all the cuisines presented tonight, even the gods be saying…”

A heavy butter and a slight sweet tanginess waffled into the room, which drew everyone's attention. Even Kildo stopped at the aroma.

“And, of course, don’t forget Odium’s favorites, pumpkin scones!” Odium called out, carrying a large tray of his triangle-shaped biscuits. The entire crew blew past Kildo, ignoring the dwarf, ran and grabbed them by the handfuls.

* * *


“How we be getting to the Rock of Series?” Kildo asked, but he grumbled under his breath as the rest of the party was busy munching on another batch of Odium’s scones. These had blueberries with buttery perfectly melted within. They were a meal in themselves. He didn’t have to like Odium, but the tiefling did know how to make a scone, and Belial’s blessing had nothing to do with it. He reassured himself.

The dockmaster rattled off a series of numbers that Kildo wrote down, but gave the group a very hesitant answer and an odd look.

“Did we say something wrong?” Guo Gan asked.

“Yes, you were asking for directions for the pirate base. Fine upstanding citizens don’t go to the Rock of Series.”

“We be going to track down the rest of the crew that be sold by Captain Vanifer,” Kildo explained.

“Going into a pirate's den, even looking for leads to find your crew is crazy. I would steer clear of the Rock of Series,” the harbormaster said.

“So, if we approach, will we be attacked by pirates,” Guo Gan inquired.

“Yes, pirates and all sorts of other clowns.”

“Are there any flag colors we can fly to allow us into the Rock of Series without being attacked?” Guo Gan asked.

“I don’t know. Only unreputable people would know that. Ones that deal with mind flayers,” the dockmaster said.

“Ah, we know a guy,” Guo Gan said.


* * *


“Welcome back to my humble establishment. Are you in need of your rooms?” asked the plump halfling with a black, thin mustache and goatee with an off-white apron. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“Yes, be bringing us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until someone passes out. Then be bringing one every ten minutes,” Kildo said.

Guo Gan said, “We repurchased the service contract from our friends the mind flayers.”

“Yeah, good guys,” the halfling said.

“They mentioned a port where the rest of our friends might be. The Rock of Series,” Guo Gan said.

“You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. It’d be wise to be cautious.”

“Yes, along those ends, is there a particular way to approach the port to ensure the docking is smooth,” Guo Gan asked.

Turning his eyes up in feint thought, the halfling said, “I feel like there was something, but it's not coming to mind.”

Snorting, Kai pulled out a platinum coin and placed it on the bar.

The halfling bartender pulled a rag, wiped up the counter, and took the platinum piece. “Yeah, I have it. I remember something. You need to fly the colors of black and white. White on the left. Black on the right. The way I remember it is, white, not right.”

Nodding to Kai, Guo Gan asked, “Is there anything else for a first-time visitor?”

“That will only protect you docking to port. After that, it won’t protect you from anyone there,” the halfling explained. “Be careful of who you are dealing with and the information you share. Get in and get out.”


* * *


The rest of the day was spent purchasing supplies and adding fresh air around the bubble of the Space Ghost. Kai meditated at the Church of the Space Rock to renew his spiritual energy. Kildo provided the coordinates to the Rock of Series to Silas, who plotted the ship’s course. He also decided that Odium would be the new navigator of the Space Ghost and hooked the tiefling into the ship. That would allow him and Scomatch to retain their spells and drain the cultist of Belial of his.

Several days out from the Rock of Bral, Silas was scanning out the bridge’s windows with his telescope when he said, “Captain, there’s a ship approaching. Fast.”

“Let me be seeing,” Kildo said, looking through the spyglass. A ship was indeed fast approaching. It was an odd contraption with what appeared to be a large horn with a squeeze ball to compress air into it to blow. It was armed with a catapult, but it held a massive cream pie instead of a boulder. It had a creepy, clownlike appearance. He could make out figures coming to the side of the ship. He zoomed the telescope to the lead figure. IT wore a baggy silk suit of silver with orange pompoms and a collar ruff. It had a painted white face, a bald head, and red hair on either side. Its mouth had a sinister, red clown smile with sharp, yellow teeth. It wore large white gloves and carried a dozen or more red balloons. It then pulled a ridiculously long, thin needle from its nose. One by one, it began popping the balloons. Another of the warped clown-like creatures sprang into existence. Then he saw more and more of these creatures’ faces pressed against the ship’s portholes. It was as if the ship was even larger on the inside. However, one thing was blatantly clear. This intergalactic sailing ship full of clowns was hostile.


Treasure

The return of Red Fred, Chutney Vic, and Odium’s scones.

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