“Odium! Evasive maneuvers! Guo Gan and Johnny One Bags! Be getting on that ballista!” Kildo shouted. What could only be described as a large circus tent with bright red and white stripes sped after their spelljammer dragonfly class ship, the Space Ghost. The flaps pulled back like a curtain as four large black cannons were positioned at the entrance. There were several klowns, all in white face, baggy clothing, and frills everywhere, hurriedly aiming, and some even loading themselves inside.
“Use the cloaking device,” Scomatch called out.
Silas, their hippo passenger, said, “This isn’t a Bird of Prey.” He then mumbled out loud, “More like a Bug of Prey.”
“Command staff top-side! We be needing to prepare to repel boarders! Odium, keep maneuvering this ship!” Kildo ordered.
“What evasive pattern should I use? Alpha, Beta, Sierra?” Odium asked.
“Use pattern, get us above them, so we can shoot down on them,” Kai barked.
“They’re firing! Klown torpedoes incoming!” Silas warned.
Kildo turned to the windows on the bridge. There were four visible ignitions from the klown tent. The Space Ghost lurched to the right. Four laughing klowns with haunting features and sharp pointed teeth sped past into space as they tried to grab onto the ship. They all missed and continued into oblivion.
“Be keeping this up Odium. Don’t be letting them klowns land on this ship,” Kildo said as he and the rest of the party made their way through the cargo hold and up to the upper deck. The bubble of fresh air surrounding the ship greeted them. Guo Gan ran and positioned the forward-facing ballista as Johnny One Bags loaded a massive iron bolt. Aiming, the monk fired. The missile sped toward the klown’s circus tent. It struck one of the cannons and seemed to dent it. Two klowns rushed in, hooked a tube to it, and began pumping like blowing air back in. More of the warped creatures began to stuff themselves into each of the four cannons.
A fresh volley of klowns sped toward them. The ship lurched to the left. A pair maniacal laughed as they flew past. However, two thudded into the deck of the Space Ghost.
The first looked like a Ragdoll with misshapen and a warped face of white. Rows of sharp, yellow teeth, like a shark, filled its mouth. He had blue hair and black eye marks. His outfit was striped blue and light blue, with a frilly turtle neck with a small, orange party hat. The second carnival creature had a white face, green hair with purple eye marks. Razor-sharp teeth were also seen in its’ creepy smiling mouth painted red. His baggy clothing had blue and orange plaid markings and a ruffle collar. It had a black bucket hat.
“Go snow!” Scomatch called out as he cast, Ray of Frost. A frigid beam of blue-white light streaked toward the first clown with the orange hat. It struck the creature encasing him in a block of ice. The lunatic klown seemed to enjoy it with a sinister grin as he slid across the deck and down the opened hatch into the cargo deck below. The sound of breaking and crumbling ice was audible. The klown was free.
Kildo moved to the hatch as the quicker Kai shouted. “I’ll get him!” Kildo peered inside. The dwarf, Red Fred, was grappling with the klown. Leading with his trident, Wave, dropped straight down.
“Oh no! Not a pokey stick!” the klown called out in feigned fear.
As the three prongs pierced the creature, it ‘popped’. Exploding, the air was filled with glitter.
“It burns!” Red Fred called out as he tried to remove the sparkling material from his skin.
The other creature in plaid pulled out a wand. Pulling at both ends, it elongated to the size of a full staff. Pointing it at Scomatch, a cartoonish red ray shot from the end, but missed.
Kildo cast, Toll the Dead at the creature. A dolorous bell resounded around the klown. Shaking his head, he pulled out an oversized Q-tip and began squeegeeing his ears.
Guo Gan fired the ballista as Johnny One Bags loaded it. The bolt sailed between the two ships and struck the same cannon, denting it further and causing it to bend slightly. The two klowns began pumping air faster into the gun’s frame.
Light flashed as the circus tent fired another volley of klowns. However, the creature from the damaged cannon spun out of control. It knocked into the others, causing three of their troupe to sail off into space. However, the fourth klown grabbed onto the Space Ghost’s railing. It was pulling itself aboard, snarling with its fang-like teeth. The white-faced juggalo had yellow hair and light blue eye marks. Its outfit was green and light blue, with star markings and a white jabot with a choker around its neck. It had a light blue beanie.
Due to large oversized floppy red shoes, the latest arrival hopped from one foot to the other. Holding out its’ hand, it held a small, circular metal devise with a button in the middle, which would activate if pressed. The klown said, “Let’s be friends.”
In turn, Guo Gan pulled Qiekamis. He rammed the end of the staff into the creature’s chest like a spear. “I have enough friends.” There was an audible slurping sound from the quarterstaff before the klown exploded into acidic glitter.
One carnival creature remained. Casting Ray of Frost, Scomatch’s frigid beam of blue-white light streaked and struck the first ragdoll that boarded the ship. It encased the klown in a block of ice, except for its hand, which held a toy gun. It shot a cartoonish blue-ray beam of energy, but encased in a block of ice, caused its aim to miss Scomatch.
Reemerging from below, Kai charged at the encased klown. Thrusting, Wave’s three prongs dug into the ice. Pushing it along and gaining momentum, he pushed it toward the railing. It tipped over and fell. The block of ice passed through the air bubble and into space.
More flashes of light came from the circus tent. Four klown torpedoes raced at the Space Ghost. The ship lurched downwards. Three creatures sailed past, but one managed to grab onto the ship. Pulling itself aboard, the white-faced carnival creature had black hair and orange eye marks. Its outfit was striped white and black with a white baseball cap. It pulled out an oversized bat. It called out, “Batter up!”
Scomatch formed a four-inch sphere of bubbling green liquid. Winding up to throw, the klown readied his bat. Throwing it, the creature swung and connected. The spell ignited, splashing the klown with acid. It began to liquefy.
“Look what you’ve done! I’m melting, melting! Oh, what a world, what a world!”
The klown boarders repelled, Kildo looked out to the carnival ship. He was greeted with more smiles of clowns as they climbed into the cannons, preparing to fire.
Kai came up and said, “We need to take out this Insane Klown Possey at the source. We need to board their ship and take the fight to them.”
Nodding in agreement, Kildo moved to the hatch and saw the flesh golem 9 of 5. He didn’t appear alive or dead. He was a jigsaw puzzle of body parts of several creatures whose sizes didn’t match. The parts were all stitched and bolted into a new and gruesome humanoid form. He was bigger than a living man and stood eight feet tall. A pair of trousers covered his modesty. There was a slight, sweet smell of decay. He had a single, gruesome number nine tattooed across his chest.
“Be coming up here and guard the hatch. Kill any klown that be coming on board! Johnny One Bags, go below and have the rest of the crew prepare to repel boarders while we be gone!”
“Captain, where are you going?” Johnny asked.
“The command staff be heading over to that klown tent,” Kildo said.
“Is it wise for the entire leadership to leave the ship in the middle of combat?” Johnny questioned.
“Yes, this be how the best captains be doing it in a crisis. Now, be following me orders,” Kildo snapped.
As the Space Ghost raced, the klown’s circus tent grew larger and larger. There was a slight warping of space as their two air bubbles intersected. The party was greeted with the strong smell of fresh popcorn and sugary cotton candy. Not an entirely unpleasant scent. The Space Ghost’s upper deck came alongside the entrance. The party entered the circus tent from the north side and pushed past the four cannons. If anything, it was even more immense on the inside. In each corner of the room was row after row of empty wooden stands for spectators to sit. Across the far wall were five empty massive iron cages, big enough to house a large animal. Two trapeze platforms with a thick rope connecting them was stretched horizontally in the middle. In the center were three circle rings, with the center larger than the other two. Also present was a single clown.
He had a painted white face, a bald head, and red hair on either side. Its mouth had a sinister, red clown smile with sharp, yellow teeth. Dressed as a ringmaster, his attire was a bright red tailcoat with a black and gold trim top hat.
"Step right up! Come, one and all, see all manners of curious creatures and furious freaks!" Welcome to my Carnival! Muahahah!” Snapping a long whip in his hands, there were two puffs of smoke. As it cleared, two lions emerged. They had strong, compact bodies and powerful forelegs, teeth, and jaws ideal for pulling down and killing prey. Their coats were yellow-gold and male. Each had a shaggy mane from blond to reddish-brown. However, their faces were painted white and wicked smiles in black giving them a warped clown-like appearance. Snapping his whip again, four exact copies of the ringmaster sprang into existence.
Large speakers birthed themselves from the tent’s fabric. It began to blare out the famous circus clown theme music; Entry of the Gladiators, Op. 68.
Two clowns emerged on either side of the party. The one to the west held seven floating and bright red balloons. The one to the east held six. Each smiled with sinister intent.
Then in the two smaller rings, flanking the ringmaster, a pair of female harlequin characters, masked and dressed in black and red diamond-patterned costumes, sprang up from the ground. They wore the same theme jester hat with white cotton balls at the end and a white frill around their necks.
“Life is death. Death is rebirth. Rebirth is life,” Kildo spoke, as Kai, Guo Gan, Scomatch, and himself glowed momentarily as he cast, Bless. The dwarven cleric also chanted, and a spectral blue war hammer appeared as he cast, Spiritual Weapon. The magical weapons slammed into the western balloon holding klown.
“Hold the line!” Kai shouted as Kai, Kildo, and Guo formed the front rank and protected the halfling mage, Scomatch, who was in the back.
The klowns pulled small toy ray guns from even smaller holsters and aimed. Bunched up at the entrance, there was no protection for the party. As they pulled the triggers, a small red flag shot out at the end of each of the weapons. It unrolled with the word, ‘BANG!’ They all missed.
The two klowns holding the balloons released them. Their oversized shoes squeaked loudly as they flopped toward Guo Gan and Kildo. They tried to slap them with metal-shaped round buzzers, but each was easily avoided. All the while, their inflatables floated to the party. However, Kildo failed to see one of the klown-lions charge him. It swiped with its claw. He felt the creature’s power as its claws raked across the front of his plate armor.
A bright streak launched into the air from Scomatch. A fireball ignited in the middle of the mass-melee. The halfling mage sculped the spell around the party. The western balloon holding klown and one of the floating balloons were immediately incinerated. Another two popped and two klowns sprang into existence. The remaining four were scorched, but continued to float.
The eastern klown pulled out a large glass spray bottle. Pulling the trigger, water gushed outward, partially protecting him as it put out the flames burning his clothing. However, two of its floating balloons were incinerated, while the rest popped. The other four burst causing a klown to spring into reality. White-faced, there were dressed in grey uniforms with a red stripe down their legs. Each held a long, wooden gun with a bayonet on the end.
The lion attacking Kildo’s mane was burnt, as the smell of burning hair mixed with fresh popcorn and cotton candy. However, it only lasted a moment, as Kai, who was on Kildo’s right, thrust with Wave. All three trident points stuck into the creature. It shook violently before it burst into acid glitter. Kildo failed to throw up his shield in time, as he was covered in the burning sparkling material.
Kai then lunged with Wave striking the western balloon holding klown. Delivering a lethal blow, it too burst into acid glitter. The triton's skin burned, but the paladin continued his attack, stabbing another of the creatures. It too turned into the burning, sparkling material.
To Kildo’s left, Guo Gan bashed with Qiekamis. It smacked one of the soldiers in the nose. There was a ‘honk’ before it burst. The dwarf was sprayed with more acid-glitter. However, the klown behind it also was covered. It shook violently before it too ruptured into sparkles.
“It’s weak in the nose!” Guo Gan called out. Swinging Qiekamis like a bat, it smashed into another klown soldier’s nose. It ‘honked’ before bursting. It covered another one of its cohorts in acid, but it didn’t cause a chain reaction.
Kildo commanded his spectral war hammer. It hit one of the klowns to the west, but failed to strike its nose. Casting, Toll the Dead, dolorous bells blared around the creatures. A fountain of glitter shot from each of its ears, but it remained unburst.
The four female harlequin characters, as well as the ringleader and their copies, aimed their guns at the party and fired. Kai and Guo Gan were hit with pink rays.
The last of the grey klown soldiers with a fixed bayonet charged Scomatch. Its oversized squeaking shoes alerted Kai. Thrusting Wave, the trident struck the creature. It burst into more acid-glitter. Kildo again was covered with the burning material.
“Be stopping that!” Kildo lambasted as he tried to fling the sparkling stuff from his person.
The remaining klowns from the western side pulled out four darts and threw them at the remaining balloons. They all popped, and four white-faced klowns in shoulder pads, gloves, shoes, and thick thigh and knee pads. A full helmet covered their heads. The five quickly formed a circle huddle. One looked up from the meeting to ensure no one was listening and then ducked back. They all nodded in agreement, turned, and bum-rushed the party. The remaining balloon holder from the eastern side jumped in surprise and began running with its squeaky shoes toward them.
They all tried to tackle Scomatch. Kai, Guo Gan, and Kildo blocked most, but one landed a hand on the mage. The halfling was shocked as electricity coursed through his body.
As Kildo was about to push one of the players away, something fierce clamped down on his armored leg. Turning, the second klown lion had bit into his plate legging. The pressure was immense, but its fangs failed to penetrate the metal. However, the dwarf was effectively grappled in its mouth.
As before, the four female harlequin characters, as well as the ringleader and their copies, aimed their guns at the party and fired. However, all beams missed their intended targets.
“You brought the lightning. I’m bringing the thunder,” Scomatch shouted as he cast, Thunderwave. A thunderous force swept out from the mage. The closest athletic klown quickly pulled out and unfurled a miniature umbrella. It proved ineffective as it burst into acid glitter. Its remains sprayed the others, causing an additional two to pop. Kildo was again caught in the acid glitter, even though the lion had a firm grip on him. However, the king of beasts was pushed back from the wave of force, dragging the dwarf with him.
Kai trust with wave into another sporty dressed klown. It burst and splashed Guo Gan and Scomatch with its sparkles and another klown erupted in a chain reaction.
Guo Gan squared off against the original eastern balloon holder. The klown stuck its thumb into its mouth and gave mightily puffs of air. The creature's body began to swell larger and larger with each blow. Bringing Qiekamis downward in a powerful bash, the quarterstaff smashed into the larger klown. It exploded into a mountain of acid glitter that showered Kildo. The lion attempted to drag the dwarf away, but Guo Gan rushed in and struck it in the skull. There was a resounding crack as the beast burst into more burning sparkling material.
“I be having enough of this!” Kildo shouted. His normally pale skin was bright red from being sprayed by the countless glitter bombs. Healing energy encompassed the dwarven cleric and the paladin, Kai. Their skin color started to return to normal, but not completely.
The four female harlequin klowns began to tumble and summersault to the party. Kildo sent his spectral war hammer toward the tumblers. It smacked into the second one causing her to ‘yelp’ as the blow caused her to crash to the floor.
Kai lunged with Wave and struck the prone acrobat, but she didn’t pop.
“Be getting her Kai, before-!” Kildo’s shouting was interrupted when the paladin lunged again. This time the harlequin burst. Acid glitter sprayed directly into the dwarf’s mouth.
The trident turned Wave toward the third harlequin. Stabbing the acrobat, she too burst. More acid glitter was thrown into the dwarf’s face.
“That be it! I be out!” Kildo yelled. The dwarven cleric moved away from the exploding klowns. Pulling out his wand of magic missiles, three darts shot out and twirled within each other at the ringmaster. Throwing up his arm, all three darts impacted on an invisible, magical shield. Kildo then commanded his spectral war hammer. The spiritual weapon swung and missed the ringmaster too.
A bright streak flashed across the battlefield as a fireball exploded in the central ring with the ringmaster, cast by Scomatch. All four images dove for cover, but were all singed from the blast.
Swinging Qiekamis like a bat, Guo Gan smashed the quarterstaff into the clown-like nose of the first harlequin. She immediately burst into glitter.
The fourth harlequin flipped with just her legs and shot her ray gun at Scomatch. While an impressive acrobatic feat, her shot went wide missing the halfling. Landing perfectly, throwing her arms up and wide, and exclaimed, “Ta-da!”
Kai, ever the sentinel, lunged with Wave, striking her in the chest. Surprised as she looked down, she burst, covering Kai, Guo Gan, and Scomatch with acid-glitter.
“Come join us! We need a good fire eater for the show! Become a carny!” the klown ringmaster bellowed through a loud black, cone-shaped speaker. He, and the three images, then aimed his gun at Scomatch. A long scope extended from the top of his weapon. Then several magnifying glasses appeared right in front of the others. The very last one had a red and white bullseye circle. Firing, it struck Scomatch in a white light, right in the forehead. However, the halfling didn’t appear phased by the blast.
“Eat this fire!” Scomatch replied as a bright streak of flame arched to the ringmaster.
The klown and his images leaped unnaturally high straight into the air, avoiding most of the blast. Flipping backward, he landed on his feet. He then gave a deep bow.
Advancing on the central ring, Kai thrust Wave at the ringmaster. It struck one and an image popped. The remaining ones darted with blinding speed amongst themselves. The triton then stabbed again. Another image popped, and the remaining two exchanged places, back and forth, several times.
Sweeping Qiekamis, Guo Gan’s quarterstaff struck the real ringmaster in the legs knocking him to the ground as dust blew upwards from the impact. An image didn’t pop. It was the real one.
Kildo sent in his spectral war hammer. The weapon connected with the ringmaster as dolorous bells rang around the klown.
Still on the ground, the ringleader looked up at the party and smiled wickedly. He then began a maniacal laughter. He wasn’t looking at the party, but past it.
Following his gaze, Kildo saw Scomatch at the tent’s entrance. However, while dressed as the halfling mage, he was no longer himself, but a warped, clown-like version in whiteface with bright red hair. Scomatch had turned into a klown.
“How about a little fire, scarecrows?” the klown, formally known as Scomatch, pointed his finger like a gun as a streak of fire blossomed with a low roar into an explosion of flame.
The party dove as the fireball ignited in their midst, as the mage-klown sculpted it around the ringleader.
“Be dropping that fire-throwing, acid-spewing, halfling before we be melted!” Kildo called out.
Kai nodded and gripped Wave tightly, as he charged at the klown-Scomatch.
“Eep!” the klown, formally known as Scomatch, hurriedly put on a pair of spectacles. “You wouldn’t hit a person with glasses, would ya?”
The butt-end of Wave came crashing down and bashed the halfling on the top of the head. He dropped straight down.
With the greatest threat neutralized, Guo Gan returned to the last klown, the ringmaster. The two images darted back and forth. Sweeping Qiekamis, the copy before him popped. That only left the real ringmaster.
“No! The Show must go on!”
Guo Gan’s quarterstaff came crashing down from overhead. Bashing into the klown’s nose, it exploded in a massive fireworks show and a large amount of acid-glitter. At the death of the greatest show in space, the blaring music of the Entry of the Gladiators, Op. 68 warped and ground to a halt. There was a loud sound as if something had been turned off. The lights inside the tent dimmed and started to shut down.
The threats eliminated, Kildo and Guo Gan headed toward Kai and Scomatch. The paladin was laying his hands on the halfling as healing energy coursed into his smaller frame.
“Feeling any better? What do you remember?” Kai asked Scomatch.
“I was blowing up clowns.”
“So, no trident-related activities?”
“No. Why does my face itch?” Scomatch asked.
Kai took a cloth and wiped it across the halfling’s forehead and showed him. “You were turned into a klown.”
“What!? Do I have klown herpes?”
“No, I don’t be thinking it be working like that. Once the last klown was popped, their ship seemed to power down. I be having no idea how they be getting a tent to fly. It almost be like they willed it to be happening,” Kildo explained as he took one of the klown guns. It was light and nothing to it. Pulling the trigger, nothing happened. It was like an inert child’s toy. He then went over to one of the cannons. It was nothing but a long tube.
“Wait, I kind of remember that it was like I just wanted you to join them, as it would be laughs and laughs,” Scomatch said.
“All right, who is in for burning this klown tent?” Kai asked.
Guo Gan, Kai, and Kildo raised their hands.
“All right, who wants to turn this into a thrown room?” Scomatch asked, raising his hand.
The other three members turned and looked down at the halfling. Kai said, “I think you’ve been struck by a three-pronged instrument. It might be best if you take a nap.”
“All right, we be searching the ship to see if there be anything of value before we be heading back to the Space Ghost,” Kildo ordered.
* * *
The Space Ghost pulled away from the once bright red and white circus tent. The party watched as a pre-set fire grew from within. The canvas was quickly engulfed in flames. The flesh golem 9 of 5, still guarding the hatch into the dragonfly space jammer craft, said, “Fire BAD! But sometimes, GOOD!”
Treasure
· Ring of Warmth
· Ring of Evasion
· Staff of Fire
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