“Them vampirates be flying around on a vessel with more holes than a block of Swiss cheese. They’d be dead if they weren’t already undead,” Kildo said under his breath as he looked up to the leader of the spelljammer galleon.
The undead pirate captain wore a leather vest over a white shirt with black leggings and boots. A belt with a dagger was worn slanted at his waste. Slim and feminine, his skin was pale white, likely not having fed recently, with a barred metal mask over his nose and mouth. His eyes were soulless and black that glinted with malice with the hint of a predator. His right hand was on his hip, while his left hand detached itself, scurried up his body to sit on his shoulder, and waved. Both appendages ended with black, sharp claws.
Moving silently, he placed his boot on the deck’s railing, which creaked in protest. Lightning from within, the intergalactic storm flashed threatenly behind him. His long, pure, snow-white hair blew in the cosmic wind. However, his chest didn’t move as he spoke, which was unnerving.
“Folks, it's dangerous out here. That menace from Xaryis keeps sending ships to our system, but we do our part to thin the knife-eared, astral elves.” Leaning over the rail to look at the party, he continued, “You’re obviously not with them. I’m Captain Gargenhale of The Last Breath. Care to identify yourselves?”
“I’m Captain Kai of the Space Dragon. This is Scomatch, master of fire and acid and great renown. Next to him is Kildo, a follower of Rigga, the Earthmother, and Guo Gan, master of the two-finger push-up. The giff is Commodore Krux.”
Krux, a humanoid hippopotamus, was eight feet tall and had powerful muscles over a stocky and broad frame. Like a hippopotamus, his grey head and snout were covered with thick chitin plates. He wore a dingy-blue uniform with three round medals on his chest.
“Pleasure, Captain Gargenhale,” Krux said.
Kai asked, “Did you say you are out here attacking astral elves? Our crew of ne’er-do wells and cutthroats is sailing the vast oblivion seeking justice against the Xaryis empire.”
“Ah, sailors after my own unbeating heart. Indeed, I am. I’m not too fond of them telling me what to do and invading our territory,” Gargenhale said. He was about to continue when his brows lifted in surprise. “Do my lifeless eyes deceive me? Topola, my darling, what a pleasing surprise. If you’ve come to drive a stake through my once-beating heart…you’ll have to return it to me first before you tear it out again.”
Topolah had emerged from below, wearing blue robes but with no shoes. A blue jay perched on top of her blond hair, which reached her shoulders. Nodding slightly toward Gargenhale, she said, “The last time I saw you, more were under your command.”
“It's an unfortunate hazard of the trade,” Gargenhale said, shrugging. He glanced slightly toward his undead crew.
“I see. I’ll go below and make some tea,” Topolah said and returned below.
Gargenhale asked, “It seems we have something to talk about. Maybe I should come over to you, and we can parley.”
Scomatch huffed in protest and questioned, “You can’t be serious that we will work with the undead? A vampire nonetheless.”
“Are you concerned that someone will be more evil than yourself on this ship?” Guo Gan asked.
Kai interjected between the halfling and monk and said, “I’m sure there are very fine people on both sides.”
Throwing up his hands, Scomatch said, looking around, “Where is the crew, and why aren’t the guns manned? What are they even good for? When we pick up new crew, we’re not getting the best. We aren’t getting more like us. We’re getting people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists.”
Kai looked down disapprovingly at the halfling.
Scomatch breathed a sigh of resignment. “And some, I assume, are good people.”
“Don’t ye be worrying. We’ll likely be killing them in the morning,” Kildo said reassuringly to Scomatch with a wink.
As Captain Gargenhale rowed over to the Space Dragon on a dingy and climbed onboard. His detached left hand waved in greeting as he said, “That’s better. Now, we don’t need to yell across our ships. So, what brings you out here exactly?”
“We are trying to free our planet of the curse of the astral elves,” Kai explained.
“Ah, excellent! A very noble purpose,” Gargenhale replied.
“Aye, they be planting some crystalline seeds and it be growing all sorts of life-sucking vines. Have ye been encountering this on any other planet before?” Kildo asked.
Shaking his head, Gargenhale said, “No, astral elves aren’t inclined in this sphere, so this is the first time I’ve heard of that.”
“Then it appears we’ll need to go to their world and have an aggressive discussion with their Emperor about how to stop it,” Kai said.
“That could be interesting. Maybe I should come with you,” Gargenhale said.
“Excellent.”
“However, I don’t know your folks. How can I hitch my cart to your horse until I know you are capable sailors? Tell me what you have done. Impress me,” Gargenhale said.
“Well, we put out the sun,” Kai said.
“What?! That was you. You extinguished the sun. Consider me impressed. I’m a big fan of your work,” Gargenhale exclaimed. His eyes turned up in thought and continued, “Maybe you can do that in the Xaryxian Empire’s sphere. Give Emperor Xavan a taste of the good life in the dark.”
“We would be happy to have your help,” Kai said as he glanced at Scomatch and Kildo. “To be frank, working with the undead would normally be problematic, but we can put differences aside.”
“On your adventures, have you had to kill anyone?” Gargenhale asked.
“Well, yes,” Kai confirmed.
“Us too! We have something in common. The only difference is that nothing goes to waste. We feed off of them and drink their blood. It doesn’t make me…us… bad people,” Gargenhale explained.
“Please don’t murder anyone on this ship,” Kai said.
Gargenhale stepped back and looked aghast. “Murder? No. This sounds like an excellent endeavor. We can get rid of the Xaryxian scum and eat some Xaryxian delicacies. I’ll inform my crew that-”
Interrupting Gargenhale, Scomach pointed with his chin, “Uh, your ship is starting to leave.”
“Is that a bad thing?” Guo Gan asked.
Gargenhale’s eyes went wide. “Yes, of course it’s a bad thing! We need to stop-”
Johnny One Bags emerged from below deck and strode confidently toward the group. His eyes were glazed like he was in a trance.
“Johnny One Bags. Is everything all right?” Guo Gan asked.
Ignoring the monk, Johnny One Bags said in an accent that wasn’t his own, “Captain Gargenhale. Your command is at an end. We’ve had enough of your ‘winning’ to last ten lifetimes. We are not going to fight any more astral elves, and we are not going to help…food.” He then shudders as a ghost vacated his body.
Johnny One Bags almost collapsed. He then asked, “Do I smell smoke?”
“Woit!” Kildo stammered. “A ghost be inhabiting Jonny One Bags all this time?!”
Guo Gan said, “No, that’d be the longest, well-timed, and long-shot con of all time.”
“This is mutiny!” Captain Gargenhale yelled. “You’ll hang for this…again!”
Kildo peered over to the spelljammer, The Last Breath. There were six undead crew members at the ship's bow and another four at the aft. However, what stood out was a massive, gargantuan undead ogre with a gigantic great axe. Horrible wounds were inflicted across its body, and its left eye was missing.
“What do you want us to do?” Kai questioned.
“Stop that ship!”
“Can I kill the undead now?” Scomatch asked.
Kai nodded.
“About damn time,” Scomatch said. A bright streak arched from the Space Dragon toward The Last Breath. The bow of the ship ignited in fire, engulfing the six undead.
“Life is death. Death is rebirth. Rebirth is life,” Kildo chanted as he cast, Bless. Kai, Guo Gan, Scomatch, and himself glowed briefly from the protective spell.
The undead crew pulled and loaded newly damaged crossbows and fired. Bolts began to strike the ship wildly. One nicking Scomatch, but only due to the number of missiles launched.
One of the vampires began casting.
“Ugh, you’re casting Greater Invisibility all wrong!” Scomatch called out as he cast the counterspell.
“Do you smell toast?” Guo Gan asked Johnny One Bags as he recovered from being possessed.
“No…Look out!” Johnny yelled.
The ogre zombie had just thrown a bowling ball sized rock, and it was arching toward them. Guo Gan twirled to his feet and watched. “Don’t fear the rock. The rock should fear me.” The monk performed a hook kick in mid-air, hitting the missile. The strike's momentum sent the object back at the ogre, smashing into the creature’s left leg.
“Go below and take Commodore Krux with you,” Guo Gan said. Taking a running start, upon reaching the railing of the Space Dragon, the monk leaped and landed on The Last Breath. Running and leading with Qiekamis, the end rammed into the chest cavity of a vampire. It blasted through. The vampire instantly turned to dust.
Following the monk’s lead, Kai ran and jumped over to The Last Breath to join Guo Gan in battle.
Another fireball, sculpted around Kai and Guo Gan, exploded around their vampire opponents at the ship's bow.
The four in the aft section began to move toward the front. Kildo chanted. The heavens opened up. A vertical column of divine fire erupted in their midsts. The vampire it centered on was immediately incinerated into dust. The spell’s holy flames struck two others. The zombie ogre retreated and avoided the blast.
The undead space pirates loaded crossbows and fired at Scomatch. The halfling dodged and weaved but was struck in the leg by the sheer number of bolts.
“Why aren’t you protecting me,” Scomatch yelled at Kildo.
“Be using mage shield,” Kildo retorted.
“Baby spell!”
A lithe female sauntered toward Kai. She wore an elegant white dress, partially opened, and flaunted her feminine features. Her fingers ended in sharp nails. Where the skin was exposed, it was pale white and hadn’t seen the sun in an age. Her hair was white as snow. Attractive, her mouth was alluring, and her lipstick was a bright red. It was the only color on her black-and-white form. However, her lips lost some of their luster as they parted in a leering smile, revealing the white, sharp fangs of a vampire.
“Darling, you don’t want to hurt me. You want to hurt those scallywags coming across the ship. Do this, and I will show you pleasure unimaginable.”
Kai’s eyes stared into hers, which swirled like a whirlpool. Blinking, he said, “I prefer my women with more meat on their bones and who don’t smell like a trash panda.”
Her eyes flashed red. Face and mouth turning into a vicious snarl, she shrieked, “I’ll swallow your soul!”
“Baby, come get some,” Kai replied as he thrusted the Wave motion gun. Its prongs glowed with Kildo’s bless spell as they pierced her heart. Radiant damage coursed along its length. The female vampire burst into a cloud of dust.
Guo Gan stepped between the remaining three vampires at the bow. “Kai, I’ve got these! Go get that garbage ogre!”
Nodding, Kai turned his back. It was a mistake, as the three vampire’s claws raked his unprotected arms and neck, drawing blood. Necrotic energy absorbed the paladin’s chi and brought some semblance of life into the vampires.
Unguarded trying to get to Kai, Guo Gan bashed Quikamas into one of the undead in retaliation.
Moving over to help protect Scomatch from the vampire’s crossbow bolts, Kildo saw one of the undead casting. Green necrotic energy flew at him. Throwing up his shield, some of it seeped around and engulfed his exposed hands. They instantly looked like prunes, like he’d been in a bath too long. His throat felt dry, and he became increasingly thirsty. However, he retained concentration on his bless spell.
“See, I don’t need mage shield. I have your shield to take the hits. Now heal me while I kill everything,” Scomatch said to Kildo. The halfling began casting, vitriolic sphere. A glowing one-foot diameter ball of emerald acid streaked across the Space Dragon toward the bow of The Last Breath. It erupted between the three vampires at the bow of the ship. The middle one shrieked as its face began to melt. A pool of goo formed at his feet. It blew apart into dust a moment later.
Grumbling under his breath, Kildo cast, Mass Healing Word. Healing energy washed out from him and engulfed Kai, Guo Gan, Scomatch, and himself. He no longer felt thirsty as his hands became moisturized.
“I can’t believe my crew mutinied. I mean, I know we lost the entire fleet and their crews, but we killed a lot of astral elves. I guess there is no pleasing everyone,” Gargenhale said in disbelief, but more to himself than anyone else. The undead pirate captain raced across the Space Dragon, leaped across, and engaged one of the mutinous crew from the ship's aft section. Their sharpened claws raked each other and appeared like a vicious catfight. Gargenhale’s detached left hand choked his opponent.
Concerned about hitting Gargenhale, Kildo pulled out his wand of magic missiles and fired. Three glowing darts raced across to The Last Breath. While Gargenhale and his opponent’s movements were fast and furious, each weaved in and magically blasted into the correct target.
The vampires unleashed their attacks. The slowed movements of the ogre zombie missed Kai as its great axe sunk into the deck. More crossbow bolts fired. Kildo’s shield helped block the missile attacks, as Scomatch remained unharmed. However, one of the vampires made a mighty leap and crossed the distance to the Space Dragon.
“Hello morsal!” the undead pirate said. It quickly grappled Kildo. Raising his head, it came down. Sharp fangs flashed. However, his aim was off due to the dwarf’s thick beard and only bit the cleric’s thick red hair.
Back on The Last Breath, the zombie ogre wrenched its great axe free from the ship’s deck. The undead raised it to smash into the paladin. Kai thrusted with Wave. It glowed from Kildo’s bless spell as all three prongs sunk into the massive dead flesh of the ogre. It seemed immune to the pain.
Guo Gan faced off against two vampires. He lunged with Qiekamas. The quarterstaff’s end pierced its chest and rammed into its heart. It burst in a cloud of dust. The monk struck the other undead’s chest in blinding speed, rapidly striking around its heart four times. The monk then hit in the center and twisted.
The undead vampire looked down at his chest, chuckled, and said, “You know the sacred five-point palm exploding heart technique? My heart isn’t beating. Now, I know it…and it will be most useful.”
The vampire raised its clawed hand to strike the monk. Guo Gan recognized that the undead's position was perfect for using the sacred five-point palm exploding heart technique on him. At least he’d have an interesting death.
The world around them was engulfed with flame as a fireball from Scomatch detonated around them. The vampire in front of Guo Gan was instantly incinerated into dust. He also saw the ogre zombie fighting Kai was running around in panic as it too was burning. It crumpled to its knees and fell forward a moment later. Its massive body burning.
“Well, that was a freebie,” Guo Gan sighed in relief.
“Charmander!” Scomatch called out. “Go kill that vampire!”
“Char!” Charmander chirped in excitement. The halfling’s familiar took a step and stopped. In front of it were four vampires: one grappling Kildo, Captain Gargenhale fighting another vampire, and the fourth at the aft of The Last Breath firing a crossbow. Charmander’s head darted back and forth, confused about which one its master wanted it to attack.
“Char?” Charmander shrugged his shoulders in confusion.
“You are a useless familiar,” Scomatch scolded, shaking his head in utter disappointment.
“Char…” Charmander chirped less excitedly and sulked away.
Struggling with the vampire grappling him, Kildo had an ingenious thought. As the undead spat out his beard hair, the dwarf bashed his helm into the creature's nose. He was surprised at how little blood erupted from a now flattened, broken nose. However, it had the desired effect and caused the undead to give him enough space. He bashed with his kite shield and knocked the vampire back. It tripped and fell over the railing of the Space Dragon. As the vampire began to float off into the oblivion of space, it turned into a bat and flew away and out of the air bubble around the ship. Kildo began to scoff at the stupidity of the undead but then realized it didn’t need to breathe.
“Good luck be trying to find a place to land in the next thousand of years flapping to the nearest planet,” Kildo called out to the fleeing vampire.
Guo Gan felt a chill encompassing his body. His toes burned from the cold. Looking down, a ghostly entity emerged from the deck of The Last Breath. It was the ghost that had possessed Johnny One Bags. Scampering backward, the monk raised his quarterstaff.
“Your wooden staff may harm my fellow undead, but me not so much,” the ghost’s haunting voice said.
“Perhaps, but Qiekamis is made of jade,” Guo Gan explained. The monk bashed his quarterstaff through the ghost’s body. It shimmered as its spiritual energy was disrupted.
A moment later, Wave’s prongs thrusted through from the back. Kai retraced the trident a moment before the form of the ghost dissipated. Nodding to Guo Gan as his last opponent was vanquished, the paladin moved to engage the last unengaged vampire with the crossbow. Without a defensive weapon, Kai easily struck the undead with Wave.
Scomatch began casting Fireball. A bright streak flashed from the halfling’s fingers. It arched toward the three remaining vampires, including Captain Gargenhale.
“Sculpt it around Gargenhale!” Kai called out.
His shoulders slumping, Scomatch yelled back, “Fine!”
The flames incinerated the crossbow firing vampire and Gargenhale’s opponent. The last of the hostile undead had been dealt with.
Brushing the dust off from his opponent, Gargenhale said, “ I need to check downstairs to ensure the cargo is fine.” The vampire captain then moved to go below deck.
“Follow him!” Scomatch called out.
Captain Gargenhale's speed quickly left Kai and Guo Gan behind. The paladin and monk were able to follow the vampire’s noise he made. Running through The Last Breath’s cargo hold, they saw Gargenhale in the distance. He opened the shutter on a door. The undead captain leaned back against a nearby wall and sighed in relief.
Ensuring Gargenhale didn't appear hostile, Kai carefully peeked through the door’s window. Lying on a bed was a beautiful astral elf. She was clad in an elegant black dress accented with silver and gold, with a high collar rising behind her. At the noise, she lifted her head.
“My name is Kai. I’m here to rescue you.”
“I’m Princess Xedalli. The daughter of Emperor Xavan and heir to the throne of Xaryxis.” Tilting her head slightly at Kai, she asked, “Aren’t you a little alive to be an undead?”
Treasure
· Welcome to 16th Level!
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